


Get It Patton!

by VioletNight_9



Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots (VioletNight) [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Because Remus, Comedy, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Dick Jokes, Fluff and Crack, Genderfluid Deceit | Janus Sanders, Ice Cream, M/M, Patton has dad energy, Remus might have a l i t t l e ADHD-, Texting, Trans Male Morality | Patton Sanders, remus is the sole reason this is rated teen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25709224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletNight_9/pseuds/VioletNight_9
Summary: The six of them were an interesting mix to say the least. They had a queer college professor, a pansexual actor, a ftm baker, an asexual pyromaniac, a genderfluid lawyer, and a aromantic therapist. They thought it was funny, an unlikely group that met in a small bakery.
Relationships: platonic LAMPDR
Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots (VioletNight) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865167
Kudos: 47





	Get It Patton!

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Food Mention, Innuendos, Cursing, Dick Joke, Surgery Mention, Trans (FTM) Patton

The six of them were an interesting mix to say the least. They had a queer college professor, a pansexual actor, a ftm baker, an asexual pyromaniac, a genderfluid lawyer, and a aromantic therapist. They thought it was funny, an unlikely group that met in a small bakery.

**_*~*_ **

Technically Logan and Patton already knew each other, Logan being a regular at Patton's bakery. The same went for Remus and Janus who met through a court case; Remus swears up and down he didn't set the dumpster on fire. And of course Roman was Remus’ brother. 

The first time all six managed to meet was at Patton's bakery. Virgil had showed up for cookies, Roman was with Remus to get a cake for their baby brother's birthday, Janus was there to talk to the owner, and Logan just wanted coffee.

Janus started talking to Remus who joked about Roman who was offended who was then backed up by Virgil who was talking to Patton only to have the five of them hushed by an exhausted Logan. Patton made a few jokes and comments so the five of them stuck around to talk- even Janus who had to wait for the owner to show. 

**_*~*_ **

“All I’m saying is that theoretically you could fit a racoon up your a-” Roman placed his hand over Remus’ mouth, getting a laugh out of Virgil. Roman suddenly pulled his hand away with a grossed out expression. 

“Did you just _lick me_?”

“Do you want me to do it again- _ow!_ I’m gonna tell mom!”

“You two act like children,” Janus chuckled out. Logan started up conversion with Remus and Janus. Roman, Virgil, and Patton started talking about such and such until a small fact reached their ears.

“Did you know the first ever video of octopi having sex was homosexual? Basically what I’m saying is that octopi know what’s up.” The entire shop broke into uncontrollable giggles after that. Overall it was a great time, even if it was short. Janus proposed that they should exchange numbers and thus, here we are in their friendship.

**_*~*_ **

_Octodaddy:_ do u want to meet up @ Patton’s shop or the cafe down the street

 _BookSmartass:_ I’m pretty sure we decided on Ben & Jerry's.

 _RomanTicizeMe:_ just check in with pat, he had the idea

 _MyChemicalImbalence:_ Guys chill, he’s busy with the lunch rush, don’t forget he works a coffee shop

 _RomanTicizeMe:_ oh hush emo :p

 _HissHissBitch:_ Can you guys chill? I’m working on a case.

 _MyChemicalImbalence:_ Shut up nerd

 _Octodaddy:_ ^what he said

 _HissHissBitch:_ Remus, this is your case for that speeding ticket.

 _Octodaddy:_ oh yeah that

 _PattonCake:_ Hey yeah we’re going to Ben&Jerry’s.

 _MyChemicalImbalence:_ Dad!

 _Octodaddy:_ dad

 _RomanTicizeMe:_ dad!

 _HissHissBitch:_ Hi Patton.

 _BookSmartass:_ You said you had something to tell us Patton?

 _PattonCake:_ Hey kiddos

 _PattonCake:_ Yeah but wait for lunch.

 _RomanTicizeMe:_ but i don’t wannaaaa

 _PattonCake:_ But you gottaaaa

 _MyChemicalImbalence:_ I gotta get back to my work, see ya

 _BookSmartass:_ Yeah, me too, bye all.

 _HissHiss:_ I gotta get back to this case, Remus, call me.

 _RomanTicizeMe:_ see y’all

 _PattonCake_ : See you later kiddos!

**_*~*_ **

Roman and Remus were bickering quietly at their table, taking a bit of their ice cream from time to time while they waited. Logan walked in next, then Janus, then Virgil stumbled in. The five talked for a few minutes, eating their ice creams.

“Weren’t you two supposed to be watching your baby brothers?” Virgil asked, taking a bite of his vanilla.  
“Iliad is with Stanley on Iliad’s little date with his boyfriend.” Roman said, mixing around his rocky road. Logan snorted.

“Isn’t Iliad like- fourteen?” Remus nodded and took a bite of Roman’s ice cream- getting elbowed by him once he got the spoon in his mouth. Virgil laughed at the two.

“Dude your little bro has a boyfriend at _fourteen?!_ Bro you gotta step it up- ow, stop!” Virgil yelped when Roman kicked him under the table.

“Hey kiddos, sorry I’m late!” Patton said, stumbling in. He looked like a bit of a mess but honestly everyone just chuckled a bit at his entrance. Patton stopped by the counter and got a Milk & Cookies before walking over to their booth. They all talked about work and such before falling into a comfortable silence, 

“So uh, I said I was gonna be telling you guys something.” Patton said, poking at his treat. Janus looked over with a look in her eyes that basically said ‘you don’t have to if you don’t want to’. Patton sent a smile to her before clearing his throat.

“So you know how I got top surgery last year?” Patton said, looks of worry following the question.

“Did something go wrong?” Virgil asked, turning to look at Patton fully. Patton realized his mistake in phrasing, putting his hands up and giving an embarrassed smile. 

“Oh no! Everything’s fine! But I _do_ have news.” The table was quiet.

“Well?” Roman asked, earning chuckles around the table.

“ _Well_ , I’m getting bottom surgery!” Patton said with a smile, a wave of excitement going over the table. 

“Oh my god! That’s awesome Patton!” Virgil said, wrapping an arm around him in a side-hug. Roman and Remus high fived before Remus started to pat the table excitedly- pausing to giggle at himself.

“When’s the surgery?” Logan asked, mentally getting ready to cancel plans for that day; something the five of them did when Patton got his top surgery.

“June 23rd,” Patton said with a smile. The table let out a quiet cheer.

“Seriously congrats Pat!” Janus said across the table, obviously very happy but trying to hide it.

“Yeah, get that dick Pat!” Remus said before dissolving into giggles, earning a snort from Virgil and an arm slap from Janus. Roman buffered and Logan and Patton were holding in hysterical laughter.

“Not- I-” Patton couldn’t decide whether to reprimand Remus or laugh his ass off. He decided on the latter and started giggling.

“I mean he’s not wrong,” Roman muttered, starting to chuckle. The table started chuckling before they all got captured by laughter. They eventually calmed down but not after stopping and starting giggling about three more times when they all signed out at the same time.

“We’re really proud of you Pat. Send the time and date to the group chat so that we can show up, okay? But first, do you want to go get a celebration brownie?” Janus offered, already standing up, knowing the answer. Patton stood up quickly, moving to stand next to Janus to get the brownie. They walked away for a moment and the other four were left alone. It was quiet for a second before Logan spoke up.

“So I can assume we’re going to throw a party for Patton’s surgery again?” The twins nodded and Virgil already had his phone out. 

“Oh yeah, even bigger this time.” Roman said, fist-bumping Remus.


End file.
